28 Dec

It doesn’t matter if you are eighteen or eighty, if you are a single man and you are debating the pros and cons of dating then you should read this article.

If you are not currently dating (and are praying with all intensity you will never have to go out on a date again), but, you know people who are dating then you also need to read this article.

If you have kids who are wanting to date or are dating, yes you must read this article.

Dating is a past time in our society where two people go out on a social adventure to see if they have anything in common, so they can do it again.

Christian dating is different though.  The intent, the purpose and the results are eternal!  Men, we must date with some objectivity and purpose!  Here are some simple guidelines from the bible to help steer you away from dating the “wrong” girls.

  • A Woman Who Isn’t A Believer In Jesus!

This is the most important factor of all, and it should go without saying but I am saying it because I have to say it!  How many times have I talked to couples who are dating or engaged about their faith to find one person who is a believer and the other is not a Christian?   Are we not believers in God and in His son Jesus?  If we believe Jesus is the Son of God then we should also believe the things written about Him in the Bible.  If we believe the Bible is the word of God then we should obey what it says.  Let’s take a look at 2 Cor 6:14?

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NKJV) 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Guys, how foolish it is to think you could continue to walk close to the Lord if you were to date, betroth, and then marry an unbelieving woman.  The two of you would be attracted to different lifestyles, hopes, and goals.  The godly man would want to please Heavenly Father and the worldly woman would want to please herself. 

It is equally as foolish to believe the woman would some day come to Christ and you would no longer be unequally yoked. However, this does occasionally happen. I have seen some spouses turn to the Lord and get saved by a believing spouse who prayed for their mate and fought the spiritual fight for them… and in some relationships it only took a decade or two of this type of spiritual warfare!

Man, just start out the marriage the way God instructs us to do it in His Word!  Marriage has enough challenges without trying to add an unstable foundation to it by marrying an unbelieving woman!

  • A Woman Who Doesn’t Practice Spiritual Disciplines

We all know no one is perfect.  Even Christians who are really committed to God make mistakes from time to time.  It is called sin.  Everyone sins to some degree.   However, believers who are focused on God and who are seeking a closeness with God are also looking inward to see if there is anything about themselves which can be changed in order to be more like Jesus. 

The Bible has something to say about this growth for Christians: 

Romans 1:16-17 (KJV) 16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. 17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.

2 Corinthians 3:18 (KJV) 18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

It is called baby steps!  We grow in Christ from one faith experience to the next and we are changed to be more like Christ from each glory revelation to the next!  Therefore, we practice Christian disciplines!  Praying is a great discipline!  Bible reading and study is also a fantastic way to grow close to God! There is also church attendance and the tithing are two more disciplines!  There are other things we can do to help us grow to be mature and godly followers of Christ Jesus!  The alarm should be sounding if you meet a girl who professes to be a Christian and does not do any of the things previously listed or does them so infrequently, they are not really a part of her life.  The girl that, let’s say, doesn’t go to church, pray or read her bible has a very shallow or non-existent relationship with God.

Some would say that her life does not revolve around God but herself, and she isn’t putting God first.  That may or may not be true but once again the yoking standard can be applied.  Would you want to date a girl who is only 4 or 5 years old?  A man who desires to be close to God will want a woman who wants the same and displays the same!

  • A Girl Lacking Compassion, Sympathy or Empathy for Other People

Allow me to direct your attention to what our Lord happened to say about the greatest commandment: Matthew 22:35-40 (KJV) 35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

It seems there are many people today who do not have the tolerance for others.  If you find a girl who is despising or scorning other people randomly because of their age or lack of social status, shy away from this type of girl.  Even if she professes to be a believer!  We have been forgiven of every sin by the glorious God and Creator.  Even though we were enemies of God, He loved us!  A Christian not able to love someone who has an unlovely exterior is out of touch with their own unworthiness to be loved by a Holy God!

  • Women Who Speak Ill of Their Elders or Parents

Have you seen the girl of your dreams around her parents?  Around older people?  How does she talk to them?  How does she treat them?  What kind of things does she say about her parents when they are not around?  If you have found someone you want to date and have not met her parents, ask to meet them.  Ask her about her parents and judge her answers based upon the 5th commandment.  Does she honor them?  If not, this is a warning sign.  Even if her parents are drug addicts a Christian girl can honor them by speaking softly about them.

  • Women Interested In Appearing to be More Than They Are

We see it all the time.  A girl who is dressing or acting like she is more than she really is.  Back in the day they called it “putting on airs”.  Romans 12:3 addresses this type of mental attitude and warns us all to be sober minded and not to think of oneself as better than others.  A person who does this is seeking and desiring and yes coveting the praise and adoration of others.  They are wanting to be worshipped.  There is only one who is worthy of worship.  Satan’s sin was his desire to be worshipped like God was worshipped! 

  • Women With A Gossiping Spirit

Did you hear about Jimmy and Sue? … What was said between those two girls after school today? … Janet’s cousin Billy dated the girl at the bank who heard the whole thing from an eyewitness. … Gossip.  This is something God hates!  If you or your girl get involved in it repent!  It’s sin!  Ask yourself the next time someone volunteers some information about another individual, “Do I need to know that?”  Gossip destroys and God hates it! 

Check this out: Proverbs 11:9 (GW)  With his talk a godless person can ruin his neighbor, ... Proverbs 16:28 (HCSB)  A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates friends. Proverbs 20:19 (HCSB) The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip; avoid someone with a big mouth.  Romans 1:28-32 (HCSB) And because they did not think it worthwhile to have God in their knowledge, God delivered them over to a worthless mind to do what is morally wrong. They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness. They are full of envy, murder, disputes, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, arrogant, proud, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, and unmerciful.  Although they know full well God’s just sentence—that those who practice such things deserve to die—they not only do them, but even applaud others who practice them.

If any of this sounds like your conversations, repent!

  • Substance Abuse and Addictions

It is my absolute firm conviction that any woman who is abusing any substance or is addicted to any substance should not be considered as a candidate for dating!  You may say that is harsh but we are talking about dating.  If a brother in Christ knows of a woman who is addicted or abusing a substance and feels lead to intercede for her in prayer, I say, Amen!  If he feels led to lead an intervention with the Pastor of his church or counselors in the church, I say, Amen! 

The same Christian man who is wanting to date a girl addicted or abusing a substance is an opportunity for Satan to cause problems in his life.  There are so many wonderful Christian girls in church for men to date.  Keep the dating confined to those girls without the chains of bondage to some substance.

Final Thought

Dating doesn’t always lead to marriage.  Sometimes dating is just friends going out socially without any romantic intentions.  However, we often allow our feelings and romanticized emotions guide us when it comes to dating.  Let’s be real with ourselves and rid ourselves from these Hallmark emotions.  God has some good advise in His word for all of us.  Especially on relationships!  God wants us to be full of joy and relationships are important to God!  God the Father cares about your dating life!  He cares about every aspect of our lives!  He sent His Son Jesus so our relationship with Him and with others are pure and true!  When we become Christians we become a part of His family!  Doing what Jesus tells us is what a follower of Jesus does.  If we are going to follow Jesus let’s actually follow Him.  Luke 6:46 (NKJV) "But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say?  Do what God says for a rich and abundant life!

In His Service,

Pastor Zack Ditmar

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